BUENA VISTA, COLORADO -- Talk about having a weak moment!
Steve "Colorado Guy" Garufi had an "emotional breakdown" yesterday when he
purchased and drank a 20-ounce non-fat, decaf, caramel latte with whipped
cream and chocolate sprinkles on top.
Steve usually orders regular coffee with just a touch of milk at
local cafes, which made this incident
even more shocking. Of course, once the matter became public news,
a litany of ridicule and "constructive feedback"
was given to
Steve for stooping so low in consuming a drink considered foofy and "girlie" in nature.
"If you're going to buy a foofy drink, at least be a MAN about it!" wrote Marilyn in Ohio,
"What's this non-fat decaf crap? That's not just foofy, that's sissy foofy!"
Hair Consultant Pete wrote a very concerned plea upon learning the news. He wrote:
"What are you thinking, man? When John Wayne stepped up to the bar did he order a
non-fat decaf caramel latte with whatever foofy junk was in there'?
"What would James Bond have ordered, a mocha-latte espresso spritzer with a mint julip teaser?
No, in either case! Let me tell you brother, when girls see a guy with a drink
like that in their hands they're not thinking lumberjack."
Nobody exactly knows the circumstances behind Steve's so-called "breakdown."
Theories range from Steve's frustration of not road biking because of past three
consecutive days of snowfall, or the fact that locals keep making fun of him for
being a New York Yankees fan.
Jesse Cortese, a Buena Vista resident
(with a whole bunch of tattoos!)
and lead singer of the hardcore band
Maniacal, speculated that
Steve may have bought the foofy drink to impress Sarah (left photo), the barista working behind the counter.
"I saw you when you were ordering that drink. Was that an attempt at trying to
impress Sarah?" asked Jesse (left), with his arms folded,
"I can tell you, you won't win a lot of girls if you drink decaffeinated crap like that."
Steve vehemently denied trying to impress the cafe worker, but was vague in explaining much else.
"I am really offended that people think I was trying to impress Sarah." contended Steve,
"The truth is I honestly don't know what was
going through my mind, and before I knew it, the drink was in my hand."
Nobody seemed to appreciate Steve's explanation and the feedback and ridicule continued to come in.
"Oh my word ... You big girl! Were you getting in touch with your foofy side?" asked Kansas Kelly,
"Things must be really rough in Colorado for you to break
down like that ... If this keeps up
I'll be concerned about your mental health.
You might need an intervention."
Still, the questions linger: Did Steve like the drink? And will he order something like that again?
"The drink was okay. I probably won't have it again if there's going
to be a big media circus about it."
asserted Steve, "I usually just get a regular coffee,
but then people often think I'm cheap."
At local coffee shops. He once had a party for the 17-year
birthday of his black shirt.
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